Catch Up

I earn my money. I spend my money. I’m savıng up for a real vacatıon thıs summer, somewhere hot. I brıefly checked out other countrıes for work, though – namely, Japan and Brazıl. Teachers here don’t get the best deals.

There ıs a famous street on thıs sıde, by the coast, where all the best bars of the Asıan sıde are.  It’s called Barlar Sokagi (literally ‘Bar Street’) and it’s a refuge from the dusty concrete jungle that I call home. I hang out wıth a group of foreıgn guys there from tıme to tıme. It strıkes me how they are just totally… drıftıng. They float from job to job, no settlements, no future goals, no groundedness ın the current day. I stıll stıck to the foreıgners here, a lot. It’s just easıer to fall back on Englısh sometımes. I speak ın Turkısh all day at work and sometımes I get stuck ın the language and fuck up my Englısh.. you wouldn’t thınk ıt could happen, but ıt does.

I’m out for the count as soon as July rolls around. I know I won’t be back. I live for the weekends but I just spend my days off asleep.. there’s not much else to do ın thıs downbeat part of the cıty.

Work ıs work, as always. That’s somethıng you forget when you’re away from Istanbul too long – lıfe here centers around work. It’s all about the rat-race. Thıs job has changed me and I don’t lıke who I’m becomıng – a snappy, ırrıtable, cynıcal gırl. I used to be so bubbly and smıley. These days I have a permanent blank face because even frownıng ıs too much effort.

And as always… I’m tıred. I mıss my frıends. I mıss my famıly. I even mıss goddamn hıgh school. And I fuckıng hated hıgh school.

I mıss high school when I dıdnt have to thınk about all thıs other bullshıt. I mıss all the original bullshıt I used to do back when I actually had a personalıty.

I need to fınısh thıs job and get out of where I lıve. Then maybe when I relax, I can slowly be happy agaın.

I’m not sad, rıght now. I’m just not happy.

Happıness ıs the most ımportant thıng ın the world.


Who Really Knows About Rabbits, Anyway?

I’ve been in Istanbul for a little over three weeks now. Insofar…

Waiting for take-off

Waiting for take-off

Cats. Istanbul, dot com

Cats. Istanbul, dot com

I had the longest train-plane journey in the history of… well, er, me. When I got to Istanbul, I was sleep-deprived, dehydrated, and kind of homesick already. I was also in shock to be in such an unfamiliar district. So, I spent the first week crying.

Immediately I noticed a group of women sitting outside our building, all goddamn day, drinking tea. They watch me when I come, when I go, and when I pop outside for a smoke. They’re eyeing me up, keeping tabs on me – sure, they look all innocent with their teacups but I know if I accidentally flash my – say – hipbone, I’ll get scalding tea to the eyes. Hence, this group of women are known as The Gang.

I got a job in a school, and the teaching is the easiest part – and I haven’t even began teaching, yet I’m certain of this. More on this to come.

Killing time/heat

Killing time/heat

There are approximately eight crazy kids in this apartment, and another dozen scattered around the block. It’s 32c average every single day. I work in Ataşehir, a hilly concrete district with absolutely no shade, so when I go outside for my breaks, I’m under the beating hot sun for fifteen minutes with no breeze. It might sound like a doddle to a sun-starved Brit, but in reality, it’s a recipe for heatstroke.

In summary: it’s hot, it’s complicated, it’s no paradise.

Me on the left

Me on the right

Luckily, things brightened up when we finally went out to the coast about two weeks in, and I saw the potential in Istanbul.

We went to Üsküdar, on the sea, and went to a ridiculously pricey restaurant. Ricky Martin was our waiter.



My cousin took us out to Moda, a district in Kadıköy – which, FYI, is a nice part of Istanbul, as opposed to where I’m living – which, FYI, is not. We had ice cream and it was like happiness in a cup.

Yesterday, the same cousin took us to Erenköy, which seems like a glittery party district next to the conservative time-capsule of Turkey that we’re staying in. We ate chicken wings and drank beer and OH IT WAS SO NICE.

He barks a lot

He barks a lot

Today was my 22nd birthday and the entire fam went out to Moda once again. I saw – in no particular order – an Irish pub full of pissed-up Turks, a festival with amazing handmade bags and jewellery (of which I snaffled a fair amount), a Turkish translation of Fifty Shades of Grey, the beautiful goddamn sea, disco lights reflected in the trees, a fish and chip shop, the gorgeous perfect sea, lots of sweet toddlers trying to stroke the dog, THE SEA, and finally, the sea.

I used the same picture twice, STOP JUDGING ME


I saw many weird things tonight, one of which was a rabbit in a pram. I foolishly went up it and, immediately, some dude pounced out of nowhere, shoved a paper into my hand and yelled “MAKE A WISH!” My family came over to see what was happening, and he shoved paper at all of them, too (papers that had identical fortunes, as per). Then he was like “that’ll be five lira…per wish”. I shouldn’t have been lured in by that obfuscatingly adorable little rabbit. I mean, what’s so good about rabbits? Why do we find them cute? They could be evil, for all we know. Who really knows about rabbits, anyway? Answer: no one.

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